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Recgonize the friends that are worth keeping versus the ones worth letting go

buzzz worthy. . .



By Mona Austin

Sophia Nelson (author of "Woman Code") offered excellent advice on which friends to keep and which ones to let go in a recent presentation at the Merge Summit in Los Angeles. One of life's heaviest burdens is carrying relationship baggage, as many of us are faced with the challenge of when or how to let go of people in our lives who  are not good for us, but the greater challenge is recognizing  the enemy -- when she is your wing woman.  In plain English, the author laid out what type of friend were keepers.

Nelson said, in her experiences, the people who hurt her were once a part of her inner circle and they always started out as people who admired her, but jealously was lurking inside of them. 

Personally, I have experienced the treatment Nelson described.  Many of the people who frequently complimented me and praised me, I learned the hard way, secretly wanted to out-do me or envied me. I did not know it at the time, but their "support" was fueled by jealousy and eventually something was said or done that revealed the truth and our relationship soured. Some of them were not jealous at all, however. They adhered to a belief system that said, "if I am happy for someone else maybe their blessings will rub off on me" or that if you are successful you should help them rise to the top too. (More on that later.) Either way, friends who can not be supportive without wanting something are frenemies.  My take away from her talk is that admiration and envy are next door neighbors.

Why not be happy for someone without wanting anything? 

You'd be surprised that individuals with such mentalities may exist in your family too. You can't choose your family members, but when they are not genuinely interested in you versus what you can do for them you can choose not to invest time in them.  Invest time in no one who has shown you they are not the genuine article,i.e., fake friends.  Nelson's advice is to find yourself some Mark Chapter 2 friends. They are not jealous, envious,back-biting. They are there when you are up or down.

True friends only want what's best for you. Nothing more. Those are the ones you want to keep. The rest are doing you favor when they walk away.