Confessions of an Alpha Mom: Motherhood ain't always easy
buzzz worthy. . .
This is for mothers of rivaling siblings who are too hard on themselves when doing the best they can becomes exhaustive. This is an account of a few Lord-where-are-you? moments in motherhood. Don't worry, there is hope for this common parental challenge
Mona Austin
DRAINED BY MOTHERHOOD
I have a "beautiful family," says nearly everyone we meet. The girls are well mannered, smart, kind and respectful. What more can a mother ask for? For me, I would ask my girls to extend those virtues toward one another and to be the same children behind closed doors as in the public.
I want to be transparent regarding motherhood. . .There is nothing more important to me in life than my children. BUT, motherhood has been the source of my greatest joy AND sadness. Thankfully, the last 3 days have been 100% stress free! That is the best Mother's Day gift ever! I spent some time alone and some time sharing love and laughter with my family. However, I have encountered some pot holes on my motherhood journey that have literally brought me to my knees.
My two daughters have nearly an 8 year age difference. EVERY SINGLE DAY they are at odds, arguing, bickering and fighting about the most minute things. I know they look perfect, but they are not (and neither am I.) Managing their personality conflicts and relentless sibling rivalry was exhausting me. Parenting a strong willed teen and sassy grade schooler has been rough for the last 3-4 years. I expected them to get along better with the age gap, but the high schooler can not stop acting out against the grade schooler.
PUTTING YOUR FOOT DOWN
I was embarrassed and felt humiliated just recently when my oldest daughter took the liberty of going somewhere after school without calling home. She had gone to a friend's house after school during a break from an event they were working on. I found out through the mother of the friend. When I expressed disappointment in her not asking for permission to leave school grounds the mother rudely , but truthfully replied, "My daughter would have known to call home first. I thought Susie called you." It was a dig. I dug back with, "You don't know me wel enough to speak to me that way. Trust me, she knows better!" I felt humiliated and I would see to it that my rebellious teen suffered the consequences by not being allowed to sign up for any other after shool activities for the rest of the school year.
The consequence of disobedience during my upbringing was corporal punishment. That is not my preferred discipline method. Instead, I counsel the girls, deprive them of privileges and pray hard incessantly. My usual dsciplinary methods were not efective, it seemed. Sometimes the most important lessons I try to instill in them go in one ear and out of the other. As a mom I have dealt with matters that I thought I would address much later in life, been disrespected both publicly and privately, and endured health scares concerning both girls. I love them dearly, yet over this last year in particular, I have cried out to God like never before! I work hard and pray harder so they can have a secure future and be great representatives in God's Kingdom, but the enemy had plans to thwart my desires.
IF THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM IS NOT NATURAL, IT'S SPIRITUAL -- PRAY!
It got to the point where I did not know what to do. Prayers were
Realizing we were under a spiritual attack I asked my mother to pray. Usually, the battle would be mine alone, because I don't open up easily, but the stronghold was stubborn enough that I knew I needed prayerful support to break the chains around my family life. Gradually the heaviness between the girls started to lift. Hallelujah! Through the power of prayer (plus firmer disciplinary tactics) the Holy Spirit began to gradually ease my maternal pain.
The enemy wants our children. He knew that we dedicated them to God while they were in my womb and wanted to interfere with their divine destiny. I find comfort in knowing by faith that MY FATHER IN HEAVEN has cancelled all of the enemy's assignments that would cause their demise. I also find comfort in knowing I am not alone in having parenting challenges whether they are big or small.
My children are not the only kids acting out negatively at times. Everything I've shared is considered "normal." When the "good" kids have a cavalier attitude toward their parents' rules who is leaving tears on the altar for our children? Look around. They are targets in both the natural and spiritual realm. We must pray for our children because they are worth fighting for! They are our future, but more importantly, our children are our inheritance. They can only pass on what we instill in them. My inheritance is Godly and that is the birthright I have passed on to my children. My mother was unable to provide much for me financially as a child, but she taught me to pray at an early age. That foundation in prayer sustains me in every area of life. So, as I reflect on motherhood today, I am truly grateful to have a praying mother and for this period of peace in my home. It took us a while to get here, but I'm here.
Note: This post was written in 2015 as a Mother's Day therapy as I searched for way to be happy after being silently overwhelmed. I needed to do something productive to encourage myself. I wrote. It helped in that moment. Perhaps this will help another mother take a stand.
This is for mothers of rivaling siblings who are too hard on themselves when doing the best they can becomes exhaustive. This is an account of a few Lord-where-are-you? moments in motherhood. Don't worry, there is hope for this common parental challenge
Mona Austin
DRAINED BY MOTHERHOOD
I have a "beautiful family," says nearly everyone we meet. The girls are well mannered, smart, kind and respectful. What more can a mother ask for? For me, I would ask my girls to extend those virtues toward one another and to be the same children behind closed doors as in the public.
I want to be transparent regarding motherhood. . .There is nothing more important to me in life than my children. BUT, motherhood has been the source of my greatest joy AND sadness. Thankfully, the last 3 days have been 100% stress free! That is the best Mother's Day gift ever! I spent some time alone and some time sharing love and laughter with my family. However, I have encountered some pot holes on my motherhood journey that have literally brought me to my knees.
My two daughters have nearly an 8 year age difference. EVERY SINGLE DAY they are at odds, arguing, bickering and fighting about the most minute things. I know they look perfect, but they are not (and neither am I.) Managing their personality conflicts and relentless sibling rivalry was exhausting me. Parenting a strong willed teen and sassy grade schooler has been rough for the last 3-4 years. I expected them to get along better with the age gap, but the high schooler can not stop acting out against the grade schooler.
PUTTING YOUR FOOT DOWN
I was embarrassed and felt humiliated just recently when my oldest daughter took the liberty of going somewhere after school without calling home. She had gone to a friend's house after school during a break from an event they were working on. I found out through the mother of the friend. When I expressed disappointment in her not asking for permission to leave school grounds the mother rudely , but truthfully replied, "My daughter would have known to call home first. I thought Susie called you." It was a dig. I dug back with, "You don't know me wel enough to speak to me that way. Trust me, she knows better!" I felt humiliated and I would see to it that my rebellious teen suffered the consequences by not being allowed to sign up for any other after shool activities for the rest of the school year.
 |
| Siblings who grow up butting heads often have a clos relationship in adulthood. |
The consequence of disobedience during my upbringing was corporal punishment. That is not my preferred discipline method. Instead, I counsel the girls, deprive them of privileges and pray hard incessantly. My usual dsciplinary methods were not efective, it seemed. Sometimes the most important lessons I try to instill in them go in one ear and out of the other. As a mom I have dealt with matters that I thought I would address much later in life, been disrespected both publicly and privately, and endured health scares concerning both girls. I love them dearly, yet over this last year in particular, I have cried out to God like never before! I work hard and pray harder so they can have a secure future and be great representatives in God's Kingdom, but the enemy had plans to thwart my desires.
IF THE ROOT OF THE PROBLEM IS NOT NATURAL, IT'S SPIRITUAL -- PRAY!
It got to the point where I did not know what to do. Prayers were
Realizing we were under a spiritual attack I asked my mother to pray. Usually, the battle would be mine alone, because I don't open up easily, but the stronghold was stubborn enough that I knew I needed prayerful support to break the chains around my family life. Gradually the heaviness between the girls started to lift. Hallelujah! Through the power of prayer (plus firmer disciplinary tactics) the Holy Spirit began to gradually ease my maternal pain.
The enemy wants our children. He knew that we dedicated them to God while they were in my womb and wanted to interfere with their divine destiny. I find comfort in knowing by faith that MY FATHER IN HEAVEN has cancelled all of the enemy's assignments that would cause their demise. I also find comfort in knowing I am not alone in having parenting challenges whether they are big or small.
My children are not the only kids acting out negatively at times. Everything I've shared is considered "normal." When the "good" kids have a cavalier attitude toward their parents' rules who is leaving tears on the altar for our children? Look around. They are targets in both the natural and spiritual realm. We must pray for our children because they are worth fighting for! They are our future, but more importantly, our children are our inheritance. They can only pass on what we instill in them. My inheritance is Godly and that is the birthright I have passed on to my children. My mother was unable to provide much for me financially as a child, but she taught me to pray at an early age. That foundation in prayer sustains me in every area of life. So, as I reflect on motherhood today, I am truly grateful to have a praying mother and for this period of peace in my home. It took us a while to get here, but I'm here.
Note: This post was written in 2015 as a Mother's Day therapy as I searched for way to be happy after being silently overwhelmed. I needed to do something productive to encourage myself. I wrote. It helped in that moment. Perhaps this will help another mother take a stand.
