Kobe's biological family is grieving and needs healing too

PERSPECTIVE BY MONA AUSTIN - Kobe Bryan't parents were disrespected at the public memorial. Vanessa Bryant spoke about the pain of losing a soul mate and child as another mother looked on numbly - Kobe's mom. Ignoring Pam Bryant's pain and his dad and sisters' sent a chill down the spine of the Black community, which prioritizes placing honor and respect on the role of parents.

The parents of Kobe Bryant and grand parents of Gianna Bryant at their memorial service in the Los Angeles Staples Center where their son carved his legacy in basketball on 2/24/20.

Vanessa Bryant stood before the world and violated a long held cultural code in the African American community -- to honor parents -- no matter what. She and others close to the Lakers legend shared emotional tributes at the Staples Center on Monday. None of the speakers where there when Kobe took his first step or shot his first three-pointer. They, with the exception of his wife, were like extended family only united through the sport of basketball.

While Vanessa Bryant's grief has been talked about in the media for losing both a daughter and husband, Kobe's parents (Joe "Jellybean" Bryant and Pam Cox Bryant) and sisters have been ignored. There was ample opportunity to mention them at some point in the lengthy service, but no one ever did. The slight did not go unnoticed on social media as numerous posters commented on how cold-hearted it was to shun the parents that brought him into the world. In a sense, it was an insult to an entire community. He was their baby boy -- their last born and only son. He was a blood brother, possessing a tie with his two older sisters that even death can not unbind. At the memorial service while they sat together as a family, it appeared that they were like everyone else in attendance.

But of course, the reality is that without the elder Bryants we would have never known Kobe. The 5-time NBA champ's journey was reflected upon in slide shows and memories from others who were close to him. Each time the camera captured his family, I thought a chunk of his pre-NBA story was missing. Only they could add the layers to his life. Kobe was their son and brother, a side his fans did not get to see. (Perhaps the family spoke during the private ceremony and wished to remain out of the spotlight.) They too need our prayers and condolences as they work through the pain of losing two loved ones at the same time just like Vanessa. Looking ahead, Vanessa maintaining a connection with the in-laws will be crucial to keeping her remaining three bi-racial daughters connected to their Black heritage. Their paternal grand parents and aunts are the only people who can provided a link to their father and race.
West Coast rapper Snoop Dogg, who made the news for going off on Gayle King for inquiring about the rape allegations being a part of Bryant's legacy, was commended for acknowledging the Bryant family on social media.

Thank you @SnoopDogg for acknowledging Pam And Joe Bryant on your Social Media . ❤️🙏 #KobeFarewell Rest in Peace Kobe ! Uncle Mamba got you always pic.twitter.com/ptY5HMs4Rd

— Lakers Granny (@LakersGranny) February 25, 2020

Vanessa, who filed for divorce in 2011, did not have a perfect relationship with her husband or his parents. They had gotten past the rape allegations, then there were cheating rumors. A rift in the late baller's family caused them to sever ties. There was a major blow-up over his parents allegedly selling his high school memorabilia at an auction without his permission. His father, who taught him the game did not attend his final game. Neither parent wanted Kobe to marry Vanessa, citing their age. There were clear issues there. It is unknown whether there was reconciliation with his parents before his passing. None of the past drama mattered, I'm sure, as they sat in a sea of celebs and fans paying their final respect to the father and daughter they knew intimately. It may have been difficult for Vanessa to operate in a loving, respectful manner when Bryant himself wrestled with honoring his parents during his life.

Recognition and/or acknowledgement are minimal forms of respect for Black people, a lesson Kobe's wife will be responsible for teaching her remaining children now that the offense has been brought to light. As a star athlete, Kobe may have transcended race, but he was a BLACK man, the self-proclaimed BLACK Mamba. There is evidence on Instagram that he was conscious of his blackness and socially aware. Maybe one day we will hear from his parents. Maybe we won't. What counts now is that their grand-children know they were there when it mattered most. The entire Bryant family is grieving and needs healing too. Sometimes the wounds that are most difficult to heal are those inflicted by family, but that does not mean they did not love each other. It is never too late to show remorse, apologize and move forward through love. May their mutual love for Kobe and Gigi be the balm of healing.