For The Love Of A Good Fight – Queendom Study Reveals That Arguing In Relationships Isn’t Necessarily A Bad Thing

buzzz worthy. . .

Queendom.com and PsychTests.com’s latest study on the role of conflict in couples indicates that arguing itself is not a problem – it’s HOW the couple fights that matters.

Montreal, Canada – August 20, 2013. Fighting with a partner is one thing...fighting dirty is another.  Queendom’s study of 27,643 people who took their Arguing Style Test reveals that couples who take a negative approach to fighting, both in terms of attitude and technique, are more likely to experience a break-up as a result.

Conflict, arguing, fighting. They are words so intertwined with negativity that they can’t be weaved apart. See a couple fighting in public and people will stare. Hear neighbors arguing through an open window and the surrounding houses suddenly get suspiciously quiet as they listen in. But everyone does it – so why is it a problem?

Researchers at Queendom.com as well as 65% of people they studied agree that arguing can be healthy in a relationship (at least to some degree), but there is one caveat: How a couple fights – each individual’s “arguing style,” that is – can mean the difference between healthy conflict resolution and an all-out, spiteful war of words. 

Analyzing data from more than 27,000 people who took their Arguing Style Test, Queendom’s statistics indicate that people who have had a fight that directly led to the demise of a romantic relationship were more likely to use negative fighting tactics or to fight “dirty” (score of 59 vs. 49 for those who have not had a relationship-ending conflict - on a scale from 0 to 100). They also had a more negative attitude toward conflict itself, indicating that they are more likely to believe that nothing can be gained or learned from fighting with their partner.

Queendom’s study also revealed that of those who have had arguments that lead to break-ups:

·        31% refuse to be the first one to apologize after a fight (compared to 24% for those who have not had a relationship-ending fight).

·        33% point out their partner’s faults/character flaws (compared to 20% of those without history of “terminal” fights).

·        38% will purposely “hit below the belt” and make criticisms that they know will hurt their partner (compared to 24% of non-terminal fighters).

·        42% swear/cuss when they fight with their partner (compared to 27% of non-terminal fighters).

·        45% allow old grudges to resurface when arguing (compared to 33% of non-terminal fighters).

·        47% make up right away after a fight (compared to 57% of non-terminal fighters).

·        47% will accept their partner’s feelings and opinions, even if they don’t agree with them (compared to 56% of non-terminal fighters).

·        51% said that when they fight, they want to be the one who wins, no matter what (compared to 44% of non-terminal fighters).

·        60% will bring up ALL the issues that are bothering them at once, rather than focusing on the issue at hand (compared to 47% of non-terminal fighters).

·        62% tend to raise their voice when upset (compared to 50% of non-terminal fighters).

·        66% will admit when they are wrong (compared to 72% of non-terminal fighters).

“Arguing can be a way for a couple to grow and better understand one another – and despite what some couples might think, there are ways to fight constructively,” explains Dr. Ilona Jerabek, president of the company.

 “It’s not a matter of determining who is right and who is wrong, but rather, clarifying why the issue you are fighting over is important, and how you both stand to benefit by resolving it. The belief that happy couples do not or should not fight is false, if not unhealthy. People who are satisfied with their relationship still have their disagreements, but they talk things out, listen to each other’s side of the story, find common ground, focus on finding a mutually-beneficial solution, and speak with tact. And if things get too heated, they take a break, and wait until they’ve calmed down before taking up the discussion again.”

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