A love letter to Black Girls: Preparing our girls to survive Black womanhood

buzzz worthy. . .#dearblackgirl, #blackgirlmagic

Advocating solidarity in Black women from girlhood
For Aria and Amber, from my heart to yours

The depth of layers in the essence of Black womanhood is something that some have respected, others have detested, but only another Black woman can fully understand.  With this in mind the Beautiful Project started a letter writing campaign called "Dear Black Girl" asking Black women to open up their hearts to Black girls. So I pulled out my virtual  pen and wrote my prose to future generations of Black women.

The official submission deadline for the campaign was on October 7, 2015.  I hesitated to  participate initially.  Since the campaign started my emotional well has been full of concerns for the future of Black families, particularly women. So much has  happened that demanded the attention of the Black community.  The world around us appears to become more anti-Black every single day. For months I found myself doubling up on dropping morsels of mother wit and instilling common sense life lessons into my two daughters, spurred by current events.   The relationship with oneself, other women, men and God is the focus of my input.  Here is my response:



Dear Black Girl:

I love you. Because of the deep love I have for you, I want to share  some information with you I have learned over the last 4 decades about having a blessed life through a healthy relationship with God, oneself, men and other girls.  and point out a few key do's and don'ts that I wish my younger self knew.

Viewed through the lens of prejudice, this world is going to challenge you.  Every ounce of your being.  Your hair, your hips, your smile, your voice, your intellect, your skin, your beauty, your opinion, your value, your worth. . .everything about you. Ways in which your Blackness is devalued run rampant in the media. You’ll be surrounded by appropriation--where your physical features are celebrated and profited from usually by individuals of other races, but you are not.   Fetishism--where there is strong racial preference in dating in mainstream culture is also becoming the norm.  

There will be days when you question yourself because everyone else seems to be questioning you.  You may even be tempted to conform to the standards around you to fit in. Don’t.

Pick your battles.  Focusing on every time you are wronged can make life miserable.  Learn to let small things go by developing the mental muscle to ignore ignorance.

Knowing who you are is going to be the difference between surviving and thriving or living a painfully stagnated life. I want you to learn this early: You are fearfully and wonderfully made down to the kink and coil of your hair and your naturally baked skin tone. Signed God.

You may never see signs around you that affirm you are wanted and you matter, but not only do you matter, you are necessary.  Darling, you were born enough! You  were designed with a purpose on this earth that only YOU can fulfill. God’s definition of who you are trumps all others. Don't expect or rely on validation from outside sources. Sometimes in response to the nonsense surrounding your existence fury will cause you to want to act out explosively.  Do.  Using your intellect rather than purely your emotions to harness the fury and allow frustration to be your motivation to be the change you want to see.

Counteract the culture of prejudice and disrespect that is built into American society with self love.  Love the person looking back at you in the mirror. Be your own number one fan.  Confidence, that can-do attitude  is worth its weight in gold.  Set goals and do everything you can to achieve them.  Because success is the greatest revenge.

Personally, I can not imagine what the country or the world would be like without the immutable presence of the Black woman.  Your existence is tied to a long history of women who have overcome obstacles and defied stereotypes to make this entire world a better place. Your fore mothers have bestowed a legacy of strength and power upon you to live victoriously.  The same fortified spirit that caused them to triumph and succeed in life is in your DNA.

We are an often battered and bruised community. Sometimes the pain and conflict comes from other women, causing some to avoid forging relationships with other Black girls/women.  It is important to unite around our commonness and seek to understand and cooperate with each other rather than compete and turn away from the things that connect us.   Compliment and support each other. Acknowledge the light in each other's eyes and the darkness. Seek a deeper connection with your natural soror. Bonding comes from sharing.  The various experiences you share with other black women will be beneficial to yourself and in your community. Having a close girlfriend can be one of the great joys of being a woman.   Don’t go through this life without forging a relationship with a black girl no matter how diverse the world becomes.

Black girls need other black girls.  The connection Black women have with one another can be special. When your eyes meet in public don't brush each other off.  Hold an acknowledging glance when you see your sister in passing and release that hard veneer of self-protection long enough to say "you are not invisible to me." Say "hello," do exchange pleasantries if time permits. These little things   gradually chip away the tough protective exterior we build up to avoid hurt.

Take time to travel and explore the world around you to the high heavens so that when you start a family, if you so choose to,  motherhood will be embraced as a reward and not seen as  a hindrance.  Attend to your needs first (mind, body and spirit) so that you can best serve those around you.

When it comes to boys and dating, both can wait.  Stand your ground with boys and men.  Don't ever let a guy sweet talk you into doing anything you are not comfortable doing and never, ever hinge your sense of feminine value or beauty on whether a male person accepts or rejects you. You are defined by the collective voices of  strong women survived racism and discrimination.  Wear their strength like cottony ribbons in you hair.  Be happy with or without a man in your life.  When the time comes for you to date, don't date someone you could never see as your mate. The pre-requisite for getting serious is to make sure he makes you feel protected and would lay down his life for you before making a  commitment to a guy. A man who won’t protect you, won’t respect you.  A man that will sacrifice, his very life for you is a keeper.   You deserve that.

One more thing: remember, you deserve to be loved. There came a time when we had to hashtag our relevance.   The deaths of Sisters like Sandra Bland who was killed like she had no humanity sparked the "#saymyname" movement to loudly proclaim we matter.  Yet, we should not have to hashtag our relevance. 

Black and female, you are both and therein lies your magic.  Some would say that combination is double trouble.  Some would say you are double the strength.  Double the dignity.  As my mother told me, "You are no better than anybody else, but nobody else is better than you."  Believe that.  

Despite being fully aware of these and other not-so-ideal realities of Black existence, if reincarnation were possible, I would come back as a Black woman again. Just know that all those “sermons” (that you might have rolled your eyes at) that your mom, aunties or other family members shared with you in your living room or at the hair salon trump any worldly plot to change you.  

I love you little sister.  Now go walk into your greatness!